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Mar. 2nd, 2005 12:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
indecisionwinsSo I realized that I really haven't posted for a while, so it may not be a bad thing to post something on here. (Well, also I'm pretty sleep deprived, and for some reason that's when I tend to feel like posting to LJ...I guess I'm less inhibited, if also less coherent, when sleep deprived...) But I guess there really hasn't been all that much going on lately... It's actually hard to believe that it's already almost spring break, but on the other hand, I'm not all that upset by that. This semester has just been sort of "blah", and at least at this point, I don't forsee too much excitement happening. (Of course, once I say that, that makes it more possible that the opposite will happen, but we'll see. ;) ) But I don't know, I guess after all of the times of intense pleasure and emotional stimulation in general last semester, nothing can really compare to that with Susan in Germany. But hopefully I'll have more of that next year?
Oh, that reminds me--I still really want to go visit![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
gerbilicious85 in Germany in June, but I'm also a little bit worried that it could end up being a bad idea, even though it could also be really great. Or it may be both. I still need to talk to her about that, though, so hopefully I'll get in touch with her on the phone sometime soon to talk about it more. I started to talk to her about it a week ago Monday when I talked to her on the phone, but then JUST as we started to talk about that, the damn connection died. (According to arctangent, that happens sometimes with really long distance calls, but the way it happened was just so frustrating it was comical. Because after we got disconnected, after I had JUST started to try to get on the same page with her about whether I should definitely get a ticket to come there or if I should wait to buy it, she had already left to go somewhere with her host mother (which she had said she had to do soon anyway). Then, I tried calling back, and first she still wasn't there, and THEN, I think I might have somehow called just as someone was getting online or something, because it rang, and then it clicked off, and then when I called back, it was busy. And then I've been busy the past few days with classes and my seminar presentation. So I still haven't actually talk to her to figure that out, but I don't think it's a bad thing that I've waited... And even with that frustration, I still was incredibly happy just from talking to her. Susan, you really are a pleasure-inducing drug... :)
I guess I do also need to do more stuff with the whole looking for a job thing sometime soon. I saw a few things that could be interesting on this site from Penn when I was looking at it on Saturday, but the really annoying thing is that this site really doesn't seem to be designed for academic-type jobs, which means that even though I can attach a resume and cover letter to the application, I don't think there's any way to put there's the relevant stuff on the online application itself. Or, the thing that bothers me more is that maybe there IS some way to do it, and I just can't figure it out. (The online application is like a typical "job application" that they probably use for secretaries, janitors, and everyone else, and mainly emphasizes "work experience". I think the only thing I can put for that is working at the grocery store, right? Or can my research internship count as work experience? Does anyone know? (Again, I will be attaching a resume with that on there, and maybe profs won't actually pay attention to that application itself anyway, but I don't know, and feeling like I don't know something that I should know always really, really bothers me.) Not all of the research jobs at Penn are in that system--some are listed elsewhere and say to E-mail the professor--but it seems like a fair number of them are, especially ones in their medical school.) The whole process is so annoying anyway...I finally did get my resume finished last week, after editing it for like 2 weeks, but then I got busy with work before I actually had a chance to finish the cover letter for one of the first things I checked about at Penn. So I need to finish the cover letter for that, and I guess then edit it for all of these other things. I also saw at least one thing that looked interesting at Wash. U., so I should probably get in touch with this prof. so I could meet with him while I'm home for spring break if he would want to, since otherwise I won't be home again until May. I really would much rather be around here next year, but I guess it's worth at least applying for a couple things in St. Louis. But he wanted recommendations, which I wouldn't have before I go home... But maybe I could still send him a resume now and see if he'd want to meet with me, I'm not sure.
Edit: Oh also, I am thinking now that I'm at least a bit more sure about wanting to do an MD/PhD from my classes this semester (although still not completely sure), but I guess it depends what I find for next year whether I'll be taking 1 year off or two. (If I find a job with a 2 year committment, or one that would be really interesting in general, I guess I would plan on taking two years off, where if the only thing I get is some not-fun research tech job, I would plan on taking one year. Of course, I can't decide anything on that now, and who knows if I'll even be able to tell by June what would be fun and what wouldn't be, but I thought I might as well add this on here while I'm at it.
Oh, and the seminar presentation. I think it went reasonably OK, or at least the presenting part went pretty well. But the discussion that I led...well, it went OK, hopefully, but I definitely would have done better if I had had more than 3 and a half hours of sleep, I think. It was something really interesting and complicated, and I think people got the point, but the getting to it should have been exciting, and I'm not sure if it was for them. The thing is, I can take a test pretty well with not much sleep (ie. like in Barry Schwartz's class, where I actually did better on the final than I did on the midterm, even though it was at 9 AM on the day Susan left last semester, which meant that I was in ML until like 4:30 AM. I already figured that I could do that because I had done it in the past, and even if I am out of it and sleep deprived, I tend to do OK on tests as long as I've studied. But I couldn't believe that I actually did BETTER, especially because on the midterm, he gave me 9/10 on a lot of the questions, but never gave me 10/10, where on the final he did actually give me full credit on a fair number of the questions. Of course, it's possible that he was just in a more charitable mood or something, but I was still amused.) But I think that makes sense that I had more trouble with the discussion, since when you're sleep deprived, you tend to lose the things that you're already less natural at, and for me, that means I can do fine at tests, but reading subtle social cues (like you need to do in leading a discussion) may be a bit harder. But I don't know, Roy (who was in my group) at least said that he thought people got the point, and maybe some of the people who didn't look all that excited aren't excited by complexity like I am anyway. And who knows, maybe I just thought it didn't go well BECAUSE I was worried about it--self-fulfilling prophesies and the like... I guess I'll see what the prof says when we get our evaluations, though...
Oh, I guess doing the stuff for this group presentation also reminded me why I say I don't always work well in a group. I mean, we weren't ready to kill each other or anything, but I think at least 2 of the people in the group really wanted to take the easier way out, and I know they were pretty stressed from it by the end, as was I, from the tension of having to work things out in a group. Plus it's just sort of constraining to have to work when everyone else is working, and stuff like that. But I guess it worked out... Now we'll have to see what happens with my other presentation, after break... The topic is really cool (the hormonal basis of love and monogamy), but there may be even more tension this time in the group dynamic, with who I'm working with. But I should go into it with an open mind, I guess, and hopefully it'll work out OK. I don't know why this seminar seems to have so many athlete-types who really don't seem all that intellectually curious--it's maybe half and half, actually, but I think that's why the seminar has been less intense than I thought it would be. The topics have been really interesting, and the discussion has been good, and I haven't actually felt like I COULDN'T speak out when I wanted to, so maybe I shouldn't complain. It is definitely better than the other seminar I took (a seminar on stem cells my junior year), although I think I've been surprised to figure out that this is actually less intense than that one, at least so far, probably mostly because that one was pretty disorganized, and this one has been very well organized. Well, I also like the topic a lot better, and plus I have a better grasp of biology now than I did then, so it's been a lot more fun and more intuitive for me to think about this than it was to think about the stem cells stuff. OK, I really should stop complaining about having too little work--and at least this week, I've had plenty to do, I'll probably have plenty of work after break, and I also do need to do more of that looking for job thing. And, um, I really should finish this to go back to studying for my abnormal psych midterm tomorrow. But yeah...
Oh, that reminds me--I still really want to go visit
gerbilicious85 in Germany in June, but I'm also a little bit worried that it could end up being a bad idea, even though it could also be really great. Or it may be both. I still need to talk to her about that, though, so hopefully I'll get in touch with her on the phone sometime soon to talk about it more. I started to talk to her about it a week ago Monday when I talked to her on the phone, but then JUST as we started to talk about that, the damn connection died. (According to arctangent, that happens sometimes with really long distance calls, but the way it happened was just so frustrating it was comical. Because after we got disconnected, after I had JUST started to try to get on the same page with her about whether I should definitely get a ticket to come there or if I should wait to buy it, she had already left to go somewhere with her host mother (which she had said she had to do soon anyway). Then, I tried calling back, and first she still wasn't there, and THEN, I think I might have somehow called just as someone was getting online or something, because it rang, and then it clicked off, and then when I called back, it was busy. And then I've been busy the past few days with classes and my seminar presentation. So I still haven't actually talk to her to figure that out, but I don't think it's a bad thing that I've waited... And even with that frustration, I still was incredibly happy just from talking to her. Susan, you really are a pleasure-inducing drug... :)I guess I do also need to do more stuff with the whole looking for a job thing sometime soon. I saw a few things that could be interesting on this site from Penn when I was looking at it on Saturday, but the really annoying thing is that this site really doesn't seem to be designed for academic-type jobs, which means that even though I can attach a resume and cover letter to the application, I don't think there's any way to put there's the relevant stuff on the online application itself. Or, the thing that bothers me more is that maybe there IS some way to do it, and I just can't figure it out. (The online application is like a typical "job application" that they probably use for secretaries, janitors, and everyone else, and mainly emphasizes "work experience". I think the only thing I can put for that is working at the grocery store, right? Or can my research internship count as work experience? Does anyone know? (Again, I will be attaching a resume with that on there, and maybe profs won't actually pay attention to that application itself anyway, but I don't know, and feeling like I don't know something that I should know always really, really bothers me.) Not all of the research jobs at Penn are in that system--some are listed elsewhere and say to E-mail the professor--but it seems like a fair number of them are, especially ones in their medical school.) The whole process is so annoying anyway...I finally did get my resume finished last week, after editing it for like 2 weeks, but then I got busy with work before I actually had a chance to finish the cover letter for one of the first things I checked about at Penn. So I need to finish the cover letter for that, and I guess then edit it for all of these other things. I also saw at least one thing that looked interesting at Wash. U., so I should probably get in touch with this prof. so I could meet with him while I'm home for spring break if he would want to, since otherwise I won't be home again until May. I really would much rather be around here next year, but I guess it's worth at least applying for a couple things in St. Louis. But he wanted recommendations, which I wouldn't have before I go home... But maybe I could still send him a resume now and see if he'd want to meet with me, I'm not sure.
Edit: Oh also, I am thinking now that I'm at least a bit more sure about wanting to do an MD/PhD from my classes this semester (although still not completely sure), but I guess it depends what I find for next year whether I'll be taking 1 year off or two. (If I find a job with a 2 year committment, or one that would be really interesting in general, I guess I would plan on taking two years off, where if the only thing I get is some not-fun research tech job, I would plan on taking one year. Of course, I can't decide anything on that now, and who knows if I'll even be able to tell by June what would be fun and what wouldn't be, but I thought I might as well add this on here while I'm at it.
Oh, and the seminar presentation. I think it went reasonably OK, or at least the presenting part went pretty well. But the discussion that I led...well, it went OK, hopefully, but I definitely would have done better if I had had more than 3 and a half hours of sleep, I think. It was something really interesting and complicated, and I think people got the point, but the getting to it should have been exciting, and I'm not sure if it was for them. The thing is, I can take a test pretty well with not much sleep (ie. like in Barry Schwartz's class, where I actually did better on the final than I did on the midterm, even though it was at 9 AM on the day Susan left last semester, which meant that I was in ML until like 4:30 AM. I already figured that I could do that because I had done it in the past, and even if I am out of it and sleep deprived, I tend to do OK on tests as long as I've studied. But I couldn't believe that I actually did BETTER, especially because on the midterm, he gave me 9/10 on a lot of the questions, but never gave me 10/10, where on the final he did actually give me full credit on a fair number of the questions. Of course, it's possible that he was just in a more charitable mood or something, but I was still amused.) But I think that makes sense that I had more trouble with the discussion, since when you're sleep deprived, you tend to lose the things that you're already less natural at, and for me, that means I can do fine at tests, but reading subtle social cues (like you need to do in leading a discussion) may be a bit harder. But I don't know, Roy (who was in my group) at least said that he thought people got the point, and maybe some of the people who didn't look all that excited aren't excited by complexity like I am anyway. And who knows, maybe I just thought it didn't go well BECAUSE I was worried about it--self-fulfilling prophesies and the like... I guess I'll see what the prof says when we get our evaluations, though...
Oh, I guess doing the stuff for this group presentation also reminded me why I say I don't always work well in a group. I mean, we weren't ready to kill each other or anything, but I think at least 2 of the people in the group really wanted to take the easier way out, and I know they were pretty stressed from it by the end, as was I, from the tension of having to work things out in a group. Plus it's just sort of constraining to have to work when everyone else is working, and stuff like that. But I guess it worked out... Now we'll have to see what happens with my other presentation, after break... The topic is really cool (the hormonal basis of love and monogamy), but there may be even more tension this time in the group dynamic, with who I'm working with. But I should go into it with an open mind, I guess, and hopefully it'll work out OK. I don't know why this seminar seems to have so many athlete-types who really don't seem all that intellectually curious--it's maybe half and half, actually, but I think that's why the seminar has been less intense than I thought it would be. The topics have been really interesting, and the discussion has been good, and I haven't actually felt like I COULDN'T speak out when I wanted to, so maybe I shouldn't complain. It is definitely better than the other seminar I took (a seminar on stem cells my junior year), although I think I've been surprised to figure out that this is actually less intense than that one, at least so far, probably mostly because that one was pretty disorganized, and this one has been very well organized. Well, I also like the topic a lot better, and plus I have a better grasp of biology now than I did then, so it's been a lot more fun and more intuitive for me to think about this than it was to think about the stem cells stuff. OK, I really should stop complaining about having too little work--and at least this week, I've had plenty to do, I'll probably have plenty of work after break, and I also do need to do more of that looking for job thing. And, um, I really should finish this to go back to studying for my abnormal psych midterm tomorrow. But yeah...
